"HOW ARE YOU?" IS KILLING YOUR INFLUENCE.

Here's The One Question Top Leaders Ask Instead That Builds Trust, Solves Problems, and Makes You Memorable.

Author

Glenda Carnate
June 30, 2025

Read time: 3 minutes

We've all been trapped in the same meaningless exchange a thousand times:  

"Hey, how are you?"

"Good, you?"  

"Yeah, good."  

And just like that, another wasted opportunity.  

The truth? "How are you?" isn't just a polite noise... it's a barrier to real connection. Meanwhile, the most respected leaders, negotiators, and relationship-builders skip the script and ask something far more powerful:  

"What Do You Need Right Now?"

This isn't just a nicer way to talk. It's a strategic leadership tool backed by psychology and real-world success. Here's why it works:

1. It Cuts Through the Noise.  

Most conversations are surface-level because people default to autopilot. "How are you?" gets a rehearsed answer. But when you ask, "What do you need?", you force a moment of reflection. The other person has to pause and think, "Wait, what DO I need?" That's where real dialogue begins.

2. It Positions You as a Problem-Solver (Not Just a Talker).

People remember those who help them move forward, not just those who ask generic questions. Whether you're:  

- Leading a team ("What do you need to hit this goal?")  

- Networking ("What's the biggest challenge in your industry right now?")  

- Building relationships ("What's one thing that would make your day easier?")  

… you're instantly seen as someone who delivers value, not just another conversationalist.

3. It Creates Instant Trust.

Asking "What do you need?" signals that you're actually listening, not just waiting for your turn to speak. Research shows that people trust and respect those who prioritize their needs rather than just social niceties.  

How to Use This Like a Pro:

You don't have to be robotic. Adapt it to your style:  

- For Mentorship: "What's the one thing I could help you with this week?"

- For Sales/Outreach: "What's the biggest hurdle you're facing with [their challenge]?"  

- For Team Leadership: "What's slowing you down right now—and how can I remove that block?"

The key? Be ready to act on the answer. Even if you can't solve it immediately, the fact that you asked sets you apart.

Try This Today!

Next time you're about to say "How's it going?", switch to:  

👉 "What's on your mind right now?"  

👉 "What would make this conversation most useful for you?"

👉 "What's one thing you wish you had help with today?"

Watch how the dynamic shifts.

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