Before You Build a Data Team, Read This (Twice)👇

Discover why true experts are drowning in rogue spreadsheets while corporate chases celebrity appeal. Learn what separates real data leaders from the posing influencers. The future of your data strategy depends on it.

Author

Glenda Carnate
May 21, 2025

Read Time: 2.5 minutes

Picture this:

Your CEO slams their fist on the boardroom table and declares, “We need a cutting-edge data leader!”

HR immediately starts scrolling through Instagram, muttering, “We need someone… photogenic.”

And just like that, your company’s data strategy becomes a Hollywood audition instead of a serious business decision.

The “All-Star” Data Team Your Company Thinks It Needs

  • The Rock as Chief Data Officer

“Data security so tough, even hackers cry.”

(He audits your databases while bench-pressing servers.)

  • Ryan Reynolds as Chief AI Officer

“Making machine learning models sarcastic since 2025.”

(His LLM roast sessions are legendary, but accuracy is not guaranteed.)

  • Gal Gadot as Chief Analytics Officer

“Transforming spreadsheets into blockbuster experiences.”

(Her dashboards have better cinematography than most Netflix shows.)

  • Barbie as… Well, Let’s Just Say She’s ‘Exploring’ Tech

Googling: “Do data lakes have a pink filter option?”

Meanwhile, the Real Data Leader Is…

  • Begging for basic governance tools (while Finance suggests “just using Excel”).

  • Fighting a guerrilla war against rogue spreadsheets.

  • Translating AI buzzwords into something the C-suite won’t ruin.

  • Trying to be both visionary and janitor without losing their sanity.

Here’s the cold, hard reality:

Most companies think they’re data-driven until you ask them to explain their own metrics.

How to Avoid Becoming a Data Disaster Story

🚫Stop hiring for “vibes” and start hiring for skills.

✓ Real data leaders don’t need a red carpet; they need real resources.

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Don’t let your company’s data future be decided by an HR intern with a TikTok addiction. Click. Read. Wake up.


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